Nighttime musings

Have you ever been so tired you can't sleep? That's how I feel right now. It's been a frustrating week at work and I have a ton of things floating through a brain that can't turn off so I'm down in the kitchen having a snack and hoping that a little thought flush can get me back on track for sleep (just in time to wake up and feed Cade). :)

I was wondering if this is something any other new parent has experienced. It has happened to me several times in the last few weeks and I can't tell whether it's a bad recurring dream or if it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I's happened to Susie a couple times as well. From time to time we've held Cade in bed with us when we're trying to calm him down or get him to sleep because he really responds to sleeping on our chest or in the crook of our arm. And occasionally we've fallen asleep with him laying on us or next to us. Well, there have been a few times in the middle of the night where I'll either be dreaming or in a half-awake daze with my mind playing tricks on me (I haven't been able to tell which). But what my mind tells me I'm experiencing is that I've fallen asleep with Cade next to me or on me and I'm now waking up and can't find him. I'll start looking around in the folds of the covers and grow more and more worried that I've rolled over onto him or pushed him off the bed until I really am actually awake looking through the covers. Every time this has happened I'll kind of come to and realize that he's asleep in his bassinet. Has anyone else experienced this or something like this? It's a little disconcerting, and it's happened less and less as the days go by, but it's a really weird feeling.

Cade is doing well and so is Susie. We are kind of settling into a routine of feeding at night, but as you can tell by the timestamp on this post, not every night is super smooth, and we're all still adjusting. Last weekend we took Cade to his first wedding. Our worship pastor was getting married, and it was a great time. Cade was passed around and was very well behaved! We're finding that he actually prefers to be moving around to have some background noise when he sleeps. He gets pretty restless when it is completely still and silent. So the reception was the perfect time to nod off. Here are a couple pictures.

I'm sitting here with my little buddy Coleson. He's been my favorite little guy at church to play with every week, and he was very eager to meet Cade and to help hold him.

He's a little bit awake here. I think he wanted to try the cake.

Here we are with the newlyweds, Kaleb and Meagan Scharmahorn. We were happy we were able to go to their wedding; we weren't sure if we'd be able to go, but Cade was born with just the right timing to allow that to happen.

Wedding day was tiring for Cade AND for mommy. I just can't get over how much I love these two people.